way too many commas

I am intrepid. I am about to go on a trip with multiple road trips, plane rides, and hikes in store for me for the next week and a bit. Excluding the breaks from kung fu that everyone takes because of stat holidays or sick days, this will be the first time I'm taking a break from kung fu of my own volition since I started really taking my training seriously this year. Or wait, that's wrong, I'm taking a break from classes (there's kung fu everyday), but that's what I'm most worried about. Not only missing out the valuable lesson we get every class, but also the structure and routine I have now has not really had any major disruptions yet since I got it in place.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about falling behind on my numbers, losing some of my stamina I've worked so hard to build, embarrassed to try to do forms, or push-ups in awkward places, or worried that I'm going to just straight up forget to do things since I'm in a new env...

I know I wanted to write another "I am" blog today, but as I was scrolling down the list of words, it feels like it's getting harder and harder to pick words I think describe my training, or myself as a person, so I thought this time around I would pull a hard 180 and try to write a blog on a word on the list that I feel least describes who I am right now and see what comes out. So as Ray Arnold once said in Jurassic Park, hold onto ya butts" I am (not) proactive.  As I've mentioned before I am a terrible procrastinator. Anytime things make me uncomfortable or thinking about them makes the panic start to rise up my throat, my brain will put on the blinders and refuse to acknowledge it until those last critical moments arise. As a result I am often completing things right up against a deadline, or leaving things unchecked on my to-do list for months on end. Because of my lack of proactivity I have what feels like a mountains worth of big tasks that need to get don...

 I still have last Thursdays meeting on my mind, and this time around I'm thinking about when we were asked "Do you guys have a martial arts idol? Someone you want to emulate?"  I didn't think I had anyone specific in mind, but as I kept thinking about it, someone did pop into my head. (Please hear me out and stick with me on this because what I'm about to say is incredibly stupid,) My martial arts icon is Tony Hawk. That skateboarder? The guy from that awesome PlayStation game? The one people on twitter can never recognize out in public? Yes. Sometime around when COVID started, I fell down a YouTube Rabbit-Hole of non-stop Tony Hawk videos, and once I came out on the other end of it, I realized that this is a person who I want to strive to be like.  You can just tell anytime he talks about skateboarding, he has such a persistent passion for it.  "I'm going to skate until the wheels fall off." -Tony Hawk Someone who whole-heartedly loves what they...

 I've been thinking about some of the things we talked about in Augusts I Ho Chuan meeting, specifically what Sifu Brinker was saying about the push-up requirement. At the beginning of the year this was the requirement that seemed the most daunting. Form reps, sure! I love doing forms! Acts of kindness, awesome! I'm always looking for opportunities to add positive interactions with people! Push-ups, w-we … have to do HOW MANY?! Oh god I can only do like 10 at once, maybe 15 if I'm pushing it. How am I going to be able to do that many!? When am I going to find the time to do that many?! Am I going to injure myself by doing too many too fast? How am I going to do that many in a day, and even more inconceivable how am I going to do that many in a day, everyday for the next year, for the rest of my life?! But now I can say that the push-up requirement is probably my favorite. I want to emphasize how big of a change this is for me: I used to hate push-ups more than anything e...

 I am blessed. Because of the long weekend there was no class on Saturday, no open training, and no class on Monday. That means it's been 5 whole days since I've been in the kwoon. I know we always say " there isn't any class, but there is still kung fu " but I won't sit here and pretend that there is no difference between doing kung fu in class and doing it at home.  Suffice to say I have a kwoon shaped hole growing larger and larger in my heart.  This pause has forced me to reflect on how much I rely on classes and how large a role it plays in my day-today rhythms. How quickly I adjusted to extra I Ho Chuan classes, and weekly open training, when at the beginning of the year I was wary of the 3 extra mandatory hours. Now there's usually only a day between when I get to go into the kwoon, and I almost wish it was even less of a wait.  How lucky I feel that we get to train in person again when we had to go months and months without setting foot on the mats...