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I am Discerning This past Saturday's morning meeting had a lot of things I needed to be reminded of, and some amazing insights. We were talking a lot about ego, self doubt, and deadlines. After the meeting I felt very … emotional? reflective? I'm not entirely sure what the feeling was but I was certainly feeling a lot of it. So I started writing this blog to try to get to make some sense of it.  A while ago I was thinking about motivation and consistency and why sometimes it's so hard. I was struggling to get off my butt, get up and just do something and I asked myself "why does my brain have this automatic opposition to the idea of training?    I  am  my brain, so logically my brain should want to train, because  I  want to train, right?  Why is it that before the idea is even fully formed my brain is already insisting later, not now, too busy, too tired" ? And I realized that maybe this comes from the way all brains are wired. Our brains h...

 My training space at home is currently being occupied, not enough space in my room, and can't be stomping around in the living room, leaves me with my only option to do forms … outside? Not a problem, Fall is the perfect time to do forms, no bugs, not too hot, beautiful fall foliage. Except it's 8pm in mid October. Which means it's darker than a raven in a black hole outside. So dark in fact that I can barely tell I'm holding my sword except for the weight in my hand and the sound of the blade swishing past my ears. Here's what I discovered while doing my forms in the dark: 1) My balance got super out of whack I'm not sure if this is due to the darkness or the uneven lumps in the ground tipping me off balance, but I'm very interested in trying to do some of my forms with my eyes closed (during open training so that I don't bump into any one, and there's a significantly smaller group of people that would see me splat onto the mats). I know we should ...

 I've finally gotten around to reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintenance, I'm probably just over 1/3rd of the way through it at the moment. There have been a ton of ideas and quotes that have struck me so far (which you could see by the number of tabs I have in this book lol) but one idea in particular really made a lightbulb go off in my brain.  I just got to the part discussing the scientific method and I realized, I am using the framework of the scientific method to navigate through my learning of a particular technique. I am testing hypotheses with every single spinning back kick I throw. (ok maybe not every single one, but it sounds more dramatic when I put it like that)  1) Make an observation. -> I suck at spinning back kicks 2) Ask a question. -> What am I not doing, that I should be doing (i.e. what have I been taught to do?) 3) Form a hypothesis, or testable explanation. -> "Is there a measurable difference in the quality of my kicks when I...

 I got a new broadsword last Thursday! And I wanted to talk about the differences between it, and my old one, and also what changes it has brought about in my form. I was going to write up a list, a pros and cons of each but I figured, in true Chinese fashion, I would use a metaphor instead (more Tiger, less Dragon,) This new sword is more Shortfin-Mako less, Bull-Shark.  Makes perfect sense, blog over! (but just in case this random comparison to two aquatic predators doesn't make as much sense to future me, or anyone reading this, I will elaborate) This new sword is significantly lighter and thus much faster ( fun fact! The shortfin Mako ( Isurus oxyrinchus ) is the fastest known species of shark, able to reach 50 kph!). My old sword was made of thick plastic, and the weight made it difficult to amp up the speed in my form without losing control of the weapon. This increase in speed has really helped me work on my intensity in the form (although writing this out I realize I s...

This past Thursday there was a specific string of events that made me come to a realization that was floating under the surface for quite some time, but only just broke to the surface when I was thinking about said events on the way home.  A) I was teaching a small group of black dragons and found myself absolutely floundering for advice to give them, or what aspect of their form I could focus on to help them the most. B) I was trying to help Todai Ferris with her spinning back kick, and at the end of the night she asked me to be someone to check in with the progress of her kicks. B) Todai Bauer came to ask me a question about how I was moving and what my approach was during a certain part of Lau Gar III. A) Sifu Brinker came up and told me that my rotation was incorrect on that exact same part of the form. I was feeling this complicated mix of inadequacy and pride depending on if I thought about A or B and was confused as to how it was possible to feel both. I was also trying to ...