I don't want to write this blog

 I don't want to write this blog. Which is exactly the reason I'm forcing myself to write it. It's only the second month and I've already started to fall behind on my monthly goals (which is one of my personal) requirements for this year. I thought I would have made it a bit farther into the year before something like this happened, but lo and behold all it took was the switch from one month to another and it started to crumble. For the whole first week of March I didn't even have it on my radar until I went to input my numbers for the week and realized I made zero progress. Swallowing my disappointment, I resolved to do better next week. Still no change and another bout of shock when I put in my numbers for the week. On the 12th I wrote in my spreadsheet where the hours should have gone "doing absolute terrible with this one need to address it in a blog ASAP" next week, no hours logged, no blog and just like that mediocrity swiftly snapped it's jaws closed and sunk it's teeth into my throat. 

I've been really excited about my numbers and my progress this year but this particular requirement started to make me feel those all-to-familiar feelings of shame and guilt along with the whispers of "you're falling behind" and "you're breaking promises" 

But I refuse to write a pretty lie and put on a charade of perfect progress, hence why I'm writing this blog despite what the title says.

I want to try to switch the perspective and read this back as if it was one of my teammates blogs I am reading, instead of my own I am writing because it's so easy to get overwhelmed and lost in those feelings of guilt, but it's equally easy to write out an encouraging message when a fellow teammate writes any blog with a similar sentiment, so instead of feeling these negative, avoidant feelings, that make me want to train even less, I can feel encouragement and strive to make progress.

Comment, Kayley Burke 5:03 PM: remember, deadlines are useful and important but ultimately arbitrary, just because you aren't where you thought you'd be by now doesn't mean you can't still work to get there, don't let a few bad weeks spoil the whole rest of your year!

(wow that actually made me feel way better, definitely going to use this strategy of perspective switching in the future)