I am a Teacher

 I've been meaning to write a blog about teaching for a while now, but as I'm sitting down to write this, I realize I never fleshed out the idea beyond "write teaching blog". Usually I go into a blog with a pretty good idea or a list of bullet points of what I'm going to write about, and it always ends up longer than I intended as I discover things through the process of forcing my ideas into written word, but in this case I really have no idea where to start, (so that's exactly where I'm going to start I guess,)

Anytime I am given a group of students, whether it be a small handful or the whole class, I don't know how to go about instructing them, or where to start breaking things down. When I am given the gist of what the lesson should be, the concepts feel so large, and so complex, and each student is at a different stage, and there's so many important things I want to emphasize, but I don't want to overwhelm. Even if I manage to pick a focal point for a lesson I really struggle to articulate concepts, because I am only used to translating someone else's instruction into what I think that means for me, I have had very little practice trying to synthesize my understanding into something that can be understood by someone else (i.e. the difference between taking something in and putting something out). I think another reason I'm struggling is I tend to think of concepts in very abstract terms (lots of internal visualization and sound effects) so when it comes time to define and explain those concepts, my mouth will move but nothing will come out because nothing makes it past the "ok now turn it into English" filter between my brain to my mouth. Remembering how I was first taught, how my understanding has changed, and then translating that out into my own words is very challenging for me right now. 

I am starting to understand how different it is to learn a concept VS teaching that same concept. The way I absorb things, which particular things I focus on, what specific areas I am watching, and most importantly the way my brain takes in and understands the lesson being delivered is quite different to how I would try to teach that same lesson. I think part of it has to do with the skill level of the students I am given to instruct, I tend to gloss over a lot of the things I have been focusing on in my own training, and instead stress the importance of more foundational concepts. (This has been very valuable for me to emphasize my building blocks in my own training as well!) 

I wonder if there is such a thing as a "reverse-eye-for detail" where instead of paying attention to the little details of a technique and listening to them in the context of your own body, you are paying attention to the way you are describing the details, and watching for how they are manifesting in the people you're instructing? If there is such a thing, mine definitely needs work (but it took my me almost 10 years to get my eye-for-detail to be half decent, so I'll lend myself some patience). 

When I am given an opportunity to teach it feels similar to when I started leading warm-ups for the first time: reasonably uncomfortable, feeling very aware that everyone is watching me, I don't know what to say, I am frantically trying to plan what comes next, I am trying to put on a show of being capable and confident. But just like with warm-ups I'm slowly getting more comfortable each time I am given the opportunity to train my teaching muscle. I wanted to write this blog to sort out some of my thoughts and to document this new step in my journey, but also to ask for feedback from anyone so that I can become a better instructor.