Discipline Vs Destruction

Two days ago I hurt my wrist. I have no idea what happened but one moment things were fine, and when I went to do my push ups there was a pressing ache in my left wrist. 

I’m feeling incredibly conflicted. To explain why I need to go on a tangent.

I haven’t wanted to talk about this in a blog because I tend to jinx myself when I point out things that are progressing well. For example, I write a blog saying my online engagement is going well, and now it’s barely there again. As soon as I process the progress, my brain takes that as a cue that I’ve “done” it, I’ve “succeeded” and it can relax. That’s all to say I’m very nervous to write about this, but I also recognize I need to understand what’s happening and I can only do that with the processing that happens when I write a blog.

I have not done less than my daily goal for push-ups and sit-ups for 72 days straight. This brings me back to my wrist. 

I cannot break my streak // I need to let myself rest. 

I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep up this momentum if I stop for even a moment// I think I am causing harm to myself.

I can push through a little longer until it’s healed // What if what I’m doing is making healing take longer, what if it won’t heal at all.

I was thinking about this internal struggle a few weeks ago when we had our check-in class too. I recognize that the first time I pushed myself beyond my limits, in a good way, and in a bad way. During the second time I remember trying to listen to my body more but towards then end I was pushing through my form and feeling like I was hit by a bus the second I stopped moving. The struggle comes in to play because I can’t tell if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Have I developed my metal strength to a point where I can push myself beyond my limits despite the objection from my physical self, or am I simply not aware of the cues from my body that are there to protect itself?

Is what I’m doing Discipline or Destruction?

Discipline comes from doing what is hard, doing things that can be painful, but I don’t know where to draw the line, how much is too much? When does purposeful pain become just pain?

Current Total

Push-ups

27078

Sit-Ups

27240

AOK

387

Km

1718

Blogs

24

Sparring

47

Hand Form

144

Weapon Form

218

Repair Relationship

0

Online Engagement

16

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